Hiyoooooo

Because sometimes, you just need Ed McMahon there by your side.

http://www.hiyoooo.com/

Michael Jackson: Already Haunting Us?

Most people have already seen the famous Michael Jackson ghost video on CNN. Personally, I don't think it's him. If Michael Jackson was hanging out around his house and WHAM - paparazzi! - don't you think he would have either:

a. Hid
b. Put on a show

c. Drank Jesus Juice

I think that the King of Pop would be giving his farewell performance to CNN personally. I don't know if you can hear ghosts that well, but judging from his shadow we could definitely see him dance. Therefore, Michael Jackson's ghost would have been moonwalking.

According to this other website, MJ would have been far too busy appearing in sandwiches, trees and with ET to possibly bother with a CNN interview. For your viewing pleasure, a compilation of recent MJ ghost sightings:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/michael-jacksons-ghost

Hungry Like The Wolf

Debbie Rowe is hungry - again. And this time it isn't for the tasty Big Mac Cheeseburgers that her body suggests she loves, it's for custody of her children. Judging from this photo, I think she has a pretty good chance, seeing as how the legendary wolf shirts bring good luck to all who wear them.


Don't know the legend? Check it out on Amazon.

Two Tickets to the Michelle Obama Show

I'm not a ginormous worker-outer. In fact, I keep active by enduring mass amounts of stress, volunteering, snuggling, dog walking/fending, cat saving, and Chipotle. Nevertheless, I would love to have amazing arms. I'm not neurotic about it. I don't think I have bingo wings and I'm not going to slather on cellulite fighter, but if I could have Michelle Obama's arms with minimal effort, I'd be there.

As I told a friend the other night after confessing my dream body part, I would honestly borrow Michelle Obama's arms and put them in place of my own. That way I could have the upper body strength of a tiger without putting in maximum gym time that I don't have. The problem with that besides the fact that I doubt Michelle Obama would reasonably let me borrow her arms, is that my vanillaface self might clash a bit with my new look. Solution? No spaghetti strap tops. Shift dresses, long-sleeved shirts and thick-strapped tanks all the way. I think this is the beginning of an amazing self-transformation for me.

From Fitness Magazine: How to get Michelle Obama's toned arms.

Positively Cleveland

If you work in tourism, you'll appreciate this.

The Demise of Reality TV Couples

Jon & Kate are getting divorced, and I doubt anyone is even truly the slightest bit surprised. Here's why.

1. If you've watched the show, you can tell that Kate is a passive aggressive bi-hatch, and Jon is a whiney toad (and possible man whore).

2. The second you sign up for a couple's/family reality show, you're doomed.

3. Anyone who gets couple's teeth whitening should be thrown off a cliff.

I truly feel bad for the kids (all ocho of them), plus their two dogs, unless the claims of animal abuse are true. To be absolutely truthful, since the past couple episodes have featured other celebrities on Jon & Kate Plus 8, I was really really hoping that Angelina Jolie would appear and adopt all of them. Then in a pure act of heroism, she would head over to Octomom's house and adopt all of her kids too. Then I imagine that she and Brad Pitt would head back to Disneyland, which they would own as a vacation home with their new brood and live together in the Sleeping Beauty castle.

Here's who I forsee in the next two years getting divorced:

1. Tori & Dean (Tori, I'm sorry your mom hates you and had a whole room dedicated to gift wrap)

2. Spencer & Heidi (the god act isn't fooling anyone)

3. The Little Couple. Just because nobody knows of little people getting divorced doesn't mean that they don't. Plus the lady doctor little person is totally obnoxious. I don't care how cute and little she is, I couldn't put up with that for more than a few hours before she was kicked to the curb. Her little husband deserves a trophy.

And not that anyone besides myself watches that show, but have you noticed how many times they use the words "little" "tiny" and "small"? It's like they have to make a quote on how many little synonyms they can make in a show. If someone could please turn this into a drinking game, tape it, and then send it to me it would truly brighten my week.

Give Me My Big Check, You Zombie

Ed McMahon died last night, which totally takes away any chance of me winning the big check from Publisher's Clearning House. Not that I ever actually entered the contest, but I really used to believe that if you wanted the big check badly enough that Ed McMahon would somehow just know, and magically appear at your doorstep, big check in hand.

Since I never actually sent in all of the stickers and forms required to even win in the first place, I have about as good of a chance of winning the big check from zombie Ed McMahon as I do from winning by way of telepathic entry from alive Ed McMahon.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how much money you'd actually win if you do win Publisher's Clearing House. And if you win something from zombie Ed McMahon, would the big check not even be for money? Would it be for brains or some other disgusting body part that only zombies would enjoy eating? And would it be worth it to get a big check from Ed McMahon if in the back of your mind you were going over the possible scenarios of how Ed McMahon might attack you, and which household object you would need to use to fend him off, while also quickly grabbing said big check to mount over your fireplace. I'm personally of the belief that as long as you were able to get him over to your house by no later than tonight that he'd only be slightly evil. Kind of like Pet Sematary - you'd be slightly less evil the sooner you were able to come back.

This leads me to another very scary zombie celebrity - Fred Gwynne, who I'm convinced I saw at a business meeting a few weeks ago. How could someone who played a Frankenstein monster come back as something even scarier? To ponder this is unfathomable. I later saw the same man at a different event wearing the exact same outfit as he did the previous meeting, confirming that he was in fact zombie Fred Gwynne. Being 6'5 and already dead for over 16 years, I really didn't want to question it.

Back to the point though. If for some reason zombie Ed McMahon is out of big checks, I would settle for any of his Cash 4 Gold, whether it be cash, or gold. Either way you're a winner, and could probably resend any gold he might bring into Cash 4 Gold for additional money. Now I just have to figure out a way to get Ed McMahon my address.