Hiyoooooo

Because sometimes, you just need Ed McMahon there by your side.

http://www.hiyoooo.com/

Michael Jackson: Already Haunting Us?

Most people have already seen the famous Michael Jackson ghost video on CNN. Personally, I don't think it's him. If Michael Jackson was hanging out around his house and WHAM - paparazzi! - don't you think he would have either:

a. Hid
b. Put on a show

c. Drank Jesus Juice

I think that the King of Pop would be giving his farewell performance to CNN personally. I don't know if you can hear ghosts that well, but judging from his shadow we could definitely see him dance. Therefore, Michael Jackson's ghost would have been moonwalking.

According to this other website, MJ would have been far too busy appearing in sandwiches, trees and with ET to possibly bother with a CNN interview. For your viewing pleasure, a compilation of recent MJ ghost sightings:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/michael-jacksons-ghost

Hungry Like The Wolf

Debbie Rowe is hungry - again. And this time it isn't for the tasty Big Mac Cheeseburgers that her body suggests she loves, it's for custody of her children. Judging from this photo, I think she has a pretty good chance, seeing as how the legendary wolf shirts bring good luck to all who wear them.


Don't know the legend? Check it out on Amazon.

Two Tickets to the Michelle Obama Show

I'm not a ginormous worker-outer. In fact, I keep active by enduring mass amounts of stress, volunteering, snuggling, dog walking/fending, cat saving, and Chipotle. Nevertheless, I would love to have amazing arms. I'm not neurotic about it. I don't think I have bingo wings and I'm not going to slather on cellulite fighter, but if I could have Michelle Obama's arms with minimal effort, I'd be there.

As I told a friend the other night after confessing my dream body part, I would honestly borrow Michelle Obama's arms and put them in place of my own. That way I could have the upper body strength of a tiger without putting in maximum gym time that I don't have. The problem with that besides the fact that I doubt Michelle Obama would reasonably let me borrow her arms, is that my vanillaface self might clash a bit with my new look. Solution? No spaghetti strap tops. Shift dresses, long-sleeved shirts and thick-strapped tanks all the way. I think this is the beginning of an amazing self-transformation for me.

From Fitness Magazine: How to get Michelle Obama's toned arms.

Positively Cleveland

If you work in tourism, you'll appreciate this.

The Demise of Reality TV Couples

Jon & Kate are getting divorced, and I doubt anyone is even truly the slightest bit surprised. Here's why.

1. If you've watched the show, you can tell that Kate is a passive aggressive bi-hatch, and Jon is a whiney toad (and possible man whore).

2. The second you sign up for a couple's/family reality show, you're doomed.

3. Anyone who gets couple's teeth whitening should be thrown off a cliff.

I truly feel bad for the kids (all ocho of them), plus their two dogs, unless the claims of animal abuse are true. To be absolutely truthful, since the past couple episodes have featured other celebrities on Jon & Kate Plus 8, I was really really hoping that Angelina Jolie would appear and adopt all of them. Then in a pure act of heroism, she would head over to Octomom's house and adopt all of her kids too. Then I imagine that she and Brad Pitt would head back to Disneyland, which they would own as a vacation home with their new brood and live together in the Sleeping Beauty castle.

Here's who I forsee in the next two years getting divorced:

1. Tori & Dean (Tori, I'm sorry your mom hates you and had a whole room dedicated to gift wrap)

2. Spencer & Heidi (the god act isn't fooling anyone)

3. The Little Couple. Just because nobody knows of little people getting divorced doesn't mean that they don't. Plus the lady doctor little person is totally obnoxious. I don't care how cute and little she is, I couldn't put up with that for more than a few hours before she was kicked to the curb. Her little husband deserves a trophy.

And not that anyone besides myself watches that show, but have you noticed how many times they use the words "little" "tiny" and "small"? It's like they have to make a quote on how many little synonyms they can make in a show. If someone could please turn this into a drinking game, tape it, and then send it to me it would truly brighten my week.

Give Me My Big Check, You Zombie

Ed McMahon died last night, which totally takes away any chance of me winning the big check from Publisher's Clearning House. Not that I ever actually entered the contest, but I really used to believe that if you wanted the big check badly enough that Ed McMahon would somehow just know, and magically appear at your doorstep, big check in hand.

Since I never actually sent in all of the stickers and forms required to even win in the first place, I have about as good of a chance of winning the big check from zombie Ed McMahon as I do from winning by way of telepathic entry from alive Ed McMahon.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how much money you'd actually win if you do win Publisher's Clearing House. And if you win something from zombie Ed McMahon, would the big check not even be for money? Would it be for brains or some other disgusting body part that only zombies would enjoy eating? And would it be worth it to get a big check from Ed McMahon if in the back of your mind you were going over the possible scenarios of how Ed McMahon might attack you, and which household object you would need to use to fend him off, while also quickly grabbing said big check to mount over your fireplace. I'm personally of the belief that as long as you were able to get him over to your house by no later than tonight that he'd only be slightly evil. Kind of like Pet Sematary - you'd be slightly less evil the sooner you were able to come back.

This leads me to another very scary zombie celebrity - Fred Gwynne, who I'm convinced I saw at a business meeting a few weeks ago. How could someone who played a Frankenstein monster come back as something even scarier? To ponder this is unfathomable. I later saw the same man at a different event wearing the exact same outfit as he did the previous meeting, confirming that he was in fact zombie Fred Gwynne. Being 6'5 and already dead for over 16 years, I really didn't want to question it.

Back to the point though. If for some reason zombie Ed McMahon is out of big checks, I would settle for any of his Cash 4 Gold, whether it be cash, or gold. Either way you're a winner, and could probably resend any gold he might bring into Cash 4 Gold for additional money. Now I just have to figure out a way to get Ed McMahon my address.

Twitter

I don't actually like Twitter, so I'm not sure why I'm always updating it. I guess it's because it's almost like having your BFF sitting next to you at all times so that when you mumble a random comment about how your day is going or how much you hate the price of beans going up or that you just stubbed your toe you actually have someone at all times listening (reading?).

Anyway, if you're on Twitter you can find me at KatherineBee. My headlines promises meaningless updates on your time, and I'm going to stand by that. There will be no updates that will seriously validate your life or give you an epiphany. At the most you'll see a photo of a pair of shoes I can't live without, and if that is enough to put a smile on your face then please add me as a fellow Tweeter. Twitterer. I'm not up on all the lingo yet.

Sometimes you just want to hug a baby hippo

Cheap Thrills.

Just when I thought I outgrew Forever 21...





.

Ellie Makes Christmas

Sometimes dogs make Christmas in late January.

Welcome Recyclie!

I don't really make New Year's resolutions, but one "hope" of mine was to drink more water. And I hate how most water tastes. A lot. I think the Brita filter is gross, and I wish that Perrier flowed freely out of my bathtub faucet.

I do however like Dasani, even though I know that it is probably the worst water out there, made by Coca-Cola, etc. I like it, so I bought a case of it, and also a recycling bin. We've always recycled, but in a more street-style, ghetto fashion (filling up a cardboard box or large trash bag). Now that we're married we need to be legit about this. Our trashcan (Trashie) is one of those cool metal ones that you wave your hand over to open, and since those are hard to come by a the price we bought it at, I found and decorated Recyclie. Still doesn't open by magically waving my hand over it, but it's a start!

Commercials These Days Are Gross

Whatever happened to the days of cute cartoon animals and Emmanuel Lewis selling me products? Due to my latest insomniac episode, I've seen some of the best and (mostly) worst commercials.

Worst (Not in any particular order):

1. The Charmin Bears - I don't get why it's ok to see a bear pooping in the woods and getting toilet paper stuck to its butt. It's gross. I love bears, but bears don't make it cool to poop.









2. The XBox "Live Your Moment" Commercials:

Smiling, vacant people with only half of head since there's already a band or a family living in the back of his head. My husband has an XBox and honestly, I fear it. Nobody wants that! I haven't read the instruction manual, but if it's listed anywhere "XBox 360 may cause half of your head to fall off and a random band to come live in it" I'm moving out. Sorry honey.

3. The "Marijuana Hurts" Campaign:

A cute little boy starts getting smoldering holes in his neck and wrist, and then his eye. He opens the door to see his sister smoking a joint. AHA! Marijuana hurts the people around you!

I'm sure if marijuana was so bad that it actually caused physical burn marks to people in your family that very few people would smoke it, even if it made Pink Floyd's The Wall and The Wizard of Oz seem to synch up. Nothing is that cool.

Best:

Amish made "Heat Surge" Fireplace:

Because even the Amish get cold. I'm pretty sure this only comes on at 3 in the morning, but if you ever get a chance to see this infomercial please tape it. It features the hard-working Amish people making fireplace mantles that are then used with flameless fireplaces.














2. The Slanket:

It's a blanket with arms, and if you wear it while standing you look like a monk.

Speaking of kids....

Names I would love for my future dogs:

Gompers

Stedman

Huxtable

Emory

Hey, if I can't use them on my human kids, I don't want them to go to waste.

I wish Tim Gunn was my neighbor

I wish Tim Gunn was my next door neighbor. I would love for him to be my cute little gay neighbor friend and my kids godfather. I can imagine him saying "Jackson, you know you can't match striped footie pajamas with that Mickey Mouse hat! Make it work!"

I heart you Tim Gunn, you are my favorite.

V.P. debate last night

I'm not going to get into the whole debate because I could take up a whole page, but I simply refuse to have another person in office who pronounces a word "NUCULAR". It's not charming, endearing, or down-to-earth, it's plain stupid. You'd think with all the coaching Sarah Palin is getting that they could teach her to say a word that she'd have to use for the next four years (GOD I HOPE NOT!!!!!!!!!) correctly.

Apply the death penalty to minors

I don't care how old you are, killing animals is wrong. This especially applies to this stupid kid right here, who apparently killed three lizards and also fed with a rock and fed 10 animals to a crocodile at a zoo. This kid was left alone for 30 minutes and did all of this damage.

My suggestion: Kill him. He's not going to grow up to be an outstanding human being. Even if he does learn from his mistakes, he'll be haunted by the fact that he did that. So please, just kill him. We don't need any more idiots in the world than we already have.

My suggestion for the parents: Kill them too. Parents shouldn't raise 10-year olds who think it's ok to do anything so awful, and they shouldn't leave their kids unattended either. What the heck were they doing for 30 minutes that was so darn important that they could leave him? Quickie in the monkey cage? Feeding cotton candy to giraffes? Riding a giant panda? People like this shouldn't be able to breed.

I think that by "Death Penaltying*" more people, it will leave more room in the world for people who don't think it's ok to kill zoo animals and who don't think it's ok to raise kids who think that it's ok either.

I may be liberal, but on this one I'm with Texas.

*Death Penaltying may be too harsh of a word, and not exactly grammatically-correct. Maybe "Super Happy Sleeping Foreverness?"

Happy Birthday to Everyone

Is it coincidence or just pure conspiracy that everyone is having a birthday and bringing in cake to work a month before my wedding? It's not like you can just say no, believe me I've tried. Not fair.

Dreamweaver Weirdness

I've been taking a Dreamweaver class through community college for the last few weeks. Last class, I noticed that there was a frightening looking individual - no joke, looked like Dave Chapelle as a crackhead- sitting in my class. He's been coming in the past few classes and then leaving. I don't think he is learning about building websites. Can you do drug deals over the internet on a community college computer?


There's also someone who came in this morning with the newspaper's TV Guide section and was highlighting a bunch of shows. TV agent, or TV obsessed? Doesn't everyone have a guide function on their TV these days? I know that I'm one of the lone people without TV, but seriously!

Autumn is coming!!

I know it's sideways, but the little jump she does off of the case of pumpkin ale (yes, we have 5 cases in our living room) cracks me up every time I see it.