Give Me My Big Check, You Zombie

Ed McMahon died last night, which totally takes away any chance of me winning the big check from Publisher's Clearning House. Not that I ever actually entered the contest, but I really used to believe that if you wanted the big check badly enough that Ed McMahon would somehow just know, and magically appear at your doorstep, big check in hand.

Since I never actually sent in all of the stickers and forms required to even win in the first place, I have about as good of a chance of winning the big check from zombie Ed McMahon as I do from winning by way of telepathic entry from alive Ed McMahon.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how much money you'd actually win if you do win Publisher's Clearing House. And if you win something from zombie Ed McMahon, would the big check not even be for money? Would it be for brains or some other disgusting body part that only zombies would enjoy eating? And would it be worth it to get a big check from Ed McMahon if in the back of your mind you were going over the possible scenarios of how Ed McMahon might attack you, and which household object you would need to use to fend him off, while also quickly grabbing said big check to mount over your fireplace. I'm personally of the belief that as long as you were able to get him over to your house by no later than tonight that he'd only be slightly evil. Kind of like Pet Sematary - you'd be slightly less evil the sooner you were able to come back.

This leads me to another very scary zombie celebrity - Fred Gwynne, who I'm convinced I saw at a business meeting a few weeks ago. How could someone who played a Frankenstein monster come back as something even scarier? To ponder this is unfathomable. I later saw the same man at a different event wearing the exact same outfit as he did the previous meeting, confirming that he was in fact zombie Fred Gwynne. Being 6'5 and already dead for over 16 years, I really didn't want to question it.

Back to the point though. If for some reason zombie Ed McMahon is out of big checks, I would settle for any of his Cash 4 Gold, whether it be cash, or gold. Either way you're a winner, and could probably resend any gold he might bring into Cash 4 Gold for additional money. Now I just have to figure out a way to get Ed McMahon my address.